I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
