first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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