Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
