Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
