we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
