I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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