Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
