I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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