I bet he comes in French.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
