I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
