Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
