If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Randomize
