Fine. I'll sleep in my office
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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