Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
