he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
