She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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