New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I deserve this hangover.
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