I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
