I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you would pick up someone in the library
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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