Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
