Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Enjoy the penises
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
