If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
