I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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