i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize