dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
