I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize