yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
