listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
