I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
