we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
