I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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