Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So vagazzling was a success
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
