The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
