DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
