I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
