So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize