Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
