I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
