Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
only you would photoshop your dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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