apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
never play flip cup with pint glasses
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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