my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
