I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
