That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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