the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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