I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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