if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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