Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
