If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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