Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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