She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
