just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
