I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
