How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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