Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
