i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
