Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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