Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
