So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize