I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
