We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
