I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
