is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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