her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
