I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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