Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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