after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
