i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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