A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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