dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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