Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
