the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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