I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
