I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
