i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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