just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
