apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize