i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
