I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
