Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
