Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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