Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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