He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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