found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
