its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
