Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize