I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made him laugh his dick is mine
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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