Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
