I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
