I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
