Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
