if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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