I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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