That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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