i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
