there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
