I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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