also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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