If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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