something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
