yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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